


"I simply needed you to know."

by LizLovesLit



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bisexual Dean Winchester?, Declarations Of Love, First Kiss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-07
Updated: 2015-06-07
Packaged: 2018-04-03 06:38:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4090759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizLovesLit/pseuds/LizLovesLit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel has tired of the emotional assault his mind is enduring. </p><p>It's time for answers and honesty.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"I simply needed you to know."

**Author's Note:**

> This story wouldn't be what it is without my sister, Rivkahle. She masterfully wielded a scalpel against it, gave free advice (even though this isn't her ship) and constructive criticism. I would have added her as a co-author, but alas - she is not on AO3.
> 
> I owe you more than I can ever repay you, sweetie! Thank you for sharing your time and talent.
> 
>    
> Dear reader, I hope you will feel free to leave any feedback you feel an urge to! I really appreciate you taking the time to give our story a chance! Enjoy!

\----------

 

   Sitting on a dock with his feet gently drifting back and forth in the water, beer in hand and not a care in  
the world, the voice came to him as a sharp crack — the juxtaposition of reality being asserted within his   
dream.

"Dean."

   He looked up to see Castiel gently smiling.

   It was Dean's favorite smile: the one accompanied by a slightly tilted head, healthy white teeth showing  
and little crinkles forming crow's feet at the corners of his soft blue eyes.

"Hey there, Cas. What's shakin'?"

  Castiel squatted on his haunches, just slightly behind Dean.

 

"I need to speak with you in private. Would you meet with me?"

  Dean winked as he turned his head, raising his beer to his lips and taking a long draw from the amber  
bottle.

"Hell, Cas. We're in my dream. Can't really get more private than that, can it?"

"This is not...suitable. I will be at this address. Please meet me as soon as you can," he said, handing  
Dean a folded note with an address and geo coordinates on it.

"—without your brother."

   As soon as Dean unfolded it, Cas vanished. The marks on the paper seemed bold, and turned brilliantly  
luminescent.

   Just as he blinked, Dean's head jerked upward. His hands waved erratically, tangled in his headphones.  
A long trail of drool connected to his forearm snapped loose, and he felt pillow marks on his face from  
the sudden pull of the fabric away from his face.

   He rubbed grumpily at his eyes and glared in the direction of the alarm clock.

**— 4:42 AM —**

   With an irritated sigh, he threw the cover back and rolled out of bed, flinging the headphones away and  
the covers completely off him. He kicked his feet over the side of the bed and plopped them on the floor,  
flexing and rolling on the balls of his feet.

  There was nothing about Castiel's appearance in his dream to suggest in any way it was an emergency,  
so Dean decided he could take his time.

"Damn right.  I'll just sit on my ass until I feel like a shower and getting some coffee in my system. Better  
not be waking me up this early for a goddamn Easter egg hunt, Cas."

 

 

   In the graveyard adjacent to a long abandoned textile factory, Castiel fidgeted with a dandelion puff  
between his fingertips and looked over the landscape while listening to a few whispering traces of  
prayers and communications on angel radio.

   He had decided this would be an ideal place for the meeting the sandy haired hunter.

 _A graveyard is almost poetic_ , he thought ruefully.

   Since he had chosen a graveyard, if this went poorly, he could just lie down in the freshly dug grave  
and allow Dean to kick dirt over him.

   He glanced up at the sky. By the Angel's calculations, it had been an hour and ten minutes since he saw  
Dean.

"What is taking you so long?", he grated in the open, fresh air as he dropped the now naked and much  
abused dandelion stem to the stubbly ground at his feet.

  He ran his hand through his hair reflexively, a self-soothing habit. An hour is an insignificant length of  
time to most beings as old as Castiel, but it was plenty of time for his confidence to falter.

  Just then, he became aware of the Impala rumbling up the dirt road with gravel and dust kicking up,  
making pattering and pinging sounds in its wake.  Balled up fast food wrappers from this morning's  
honeyed buttermilk chicken biscuits skittered across the floorboard with each turn, and as the Impala  
passed a sign that read, 'COTTONDALE TEXTILE CO.' he heard Dean's voice suddenly within his mind.

_Damn it, Cas, what the hell, man._

   Slightly overcome with a feeling of anxiousness, Castiel stopped paying any attention to angel radio  
and focused on staying calm.

   Dean skidded to a halt and threw the Impala into park and turned off the ignition.

'COTTONDALE CEMETERY'

   So far, Dean couldn't see anyone, though this was the address where Cas told him to be.

   He cracked the door and eased out, drawing his gun, partly out of habit, and partly as an answer to the  
growing sense of apprehension he was beginning to feel. He sniffed reflexively.

No sulfur, fire, rot. No chill in the air... nothing gamey...

   Normally, if Castiel asked him to show up somewhere, he would suddenly appear within Dean's  
personal space before he had a chance to blink. This time, he didn't. Apprehension sucker punched him,  
creating a solid knot in his gut.

"Cas?", he called loudly.

"Hello, Dean."

   Here was a voice that always sounded warm like the whiskey he loved, and was as familiar to him as his  
own inner voice that now caught his attention, and he immediately dropped his guard, fumbled his gun,  
caught it, and tucked it into place on his belt.

"Damn it, Cas! Don't freak me out like that! I thought something was about to go down or something got  
you!"

_Dean is concerned for my safety._

   Hope surged in Castiel, giving him a small boost of confidence to go through with his plan. He cocked  
his head to the right, meeting Dean's gaze. Although Dean had sounded angry, there was only  
trepidation and curiosity in his eyes.

"Would you accompany me, Dean?"

 

 Following Cas between headstones and down a little way from the car, they soon came to a stop in the  
shadow of a weeping willow tree. The breeze made a light noise through its leaves, helping to soften the  
silence between them. Dean stopped walking as soon as his mind registered Castiel did, and he crossed  
his arms in his default stance of machismo and irritation.

"We need to speak, Dean."

"Hell, Cas! Spit it out! I was dreamin', you interrupted, now we're– We're in the middle of a cemetery in  
the middle of East bumfuck and NOWHERE, Cas. What the fuck do you want to talk about? What the hell  
is so private that I had to drive all the way out here before six in the morning?"

"We need to speak about us."

  Dean's mouth formed a tight line, and he pressed all the color out of his lips, making a firm white line.  
His eyes flickered only a millisecond- too fast for Castiel to decipher what effect his words made.

"Us? What us?", he said, in crossing his arms and waving a hand dismissively.

"You're talking like we're some kind of married couple or something. What's ruffled your feathers, Big  
Bird? I burn the toast too much this morning?"

  Briefly, Castiel considered backing down - back tracking or changing the subject. Instead, he raised his  
chin and in a firm voice said,

"Dean, your act only works on an audience. There is no one here except us."

   He looked into Dean's eyes, seeing clear through to his soul.

"I tire of it. I can see you have raised your guard against this line of conversation, but you cannot lie to  
me."

   Dean's mouth fell slightly agape, and he broke the stare, trying to stare intently at the tree, a  
headstone, and some faded artificial flowers instead.

"Dean, I knew you in hell. I saw your soul in tattered shreds at the tip of Alastair's blade, and it was I that  
held those tattered strips and pieces together, mending you on the way back to Earth. I greatly desire—  
No, I command you should trust me with the truth."

   He took measured steps toward Dean, whose eyes latched once again on his own. Dean's arms  
suddenly dropped, fully slack. Dean felt his face flush red, and clenched his hands closed, struggling to  
keep his front in place.

Castiel's voice was low with a hard edge to it and Dean felt it was a bit intimidating. His memory flashed  
to an argument they had in a darkened abandoned alleyway, long ago, when Dean found himself thrown  
by Castiel— the intimidating warrior of the Lord— against a brick wall.

"I need to know if you care for me, Dean... as more than a friend, or what you call... your pet guardian  
Angel."

     As quickly as the memory flashed through the hunter's mind he also processed the words he just  
heard. He began to feel like a bug under a magnifying glass in an entomologist's menagerie with Cas'  
words and gaze pinning him in place.

"Cas, look, I -", Dean swallowed hard, his voice tight with emotion.

   He jerked his eyes away and looked in the distance behind the Angel, trying desperately to avoid  
looking him in the eye. Castiel closed the remaining space between them and grabbed the hunter's  
wrist.

"Dean. I cannot remain in confusion. I need you to speak now."

   The Angel's hand relaxed and tentatively traced down to the bare skin on the back of his friend's hand,  
watching as the carefully constructed façade crumbled.

"Cas, I'm broken, man."

   A deep and uneven breath raggedly made its way in, and gave him just enough force to quickly thrust  
it out in the open.

"I'm not the guy you 'pulled from perdition' anymore. You can't just use your angel mojo and fix what's  
wrong with me - there's something broke deep down. You deserve more— more than _me_."

   Castiel felt a sharp lancing pain in the center of his being when a single tear spilled toward the earth  
from Dean's right eye. Castiel dropped Dean's hand, reached around him, and pulled him closely into a  
tender embrace.

"You are wrong."

   Castiel placed his chin on the crook of the hunter's neck, his voice becoming soft and earnest.

"Your soul has not changed. You are the same man. I desire no one else nor anything more. Have you  
not seen in all this time how significant you are to me? You are the singular reason I am at peace in all  
this chaos. My only pain is seeing you in pain. My only joy is in your happiness, Dean."

   Castiel pulled back and placed a gentle hold under Dean's chin, forcing his gaze to meet his own,  
allowing him to look upon his soul again.

"In all this time I have known you, my greatest burden has been the numerous times I have disappointed  
you. I once believed myself to be filled with heaven's purpose where you were concerned but I have  
known for a long time now that my only purpose now is found in you. Dean, I will depart if this isn't what  
you want. I simply needed you to know."

  Searchingly, watery green eyes found their purchase in the earnest truth burning from a pair of bright  
blue eyes.

"Cas, man. I... I just-"

   Dean's heart fluttered and he swallowed hard to keep himself together, standing strong and unfaltering.  
He tried to take a deep breath, but Cas smelled like sunshine, wild flowers and, oddly, cinnamon. Dean's  
skin felt inflamed where Castiel's hands touched him, even though the Angel's skin was always as cool to  
the touch as the first chills of autumn and his touch was light.

   Dean's words died, trapped impotently beneath the welling, wet lump in his throat. He felt as raw and  
naked as a bent dandelion stem he saw near his feet. He wanted to say, "I love you too, Cas..." but, a  
lifelong fear of vulnerability thrust the words back inside of him as always, each time he ever came close  
to opening his heart.

"Shit, Cas!", he spat the words quietly.

   It was then he decided words may fail him, but instinct couldn't. Wouldn't. Their lips met in a needy  
flurry. He felt like he was jumping off a cliff into ice water, no idea whether he'd dash against the rocks  
below consumed by exhilaration and fear.

   Dean's pulse pounded so loudly that he lost sense of hearing anything else, and was startled to realize  
Cas heard or felt it when the Angel dropped his right hand to cover Dean's heart — lending a flash of  
grace. A sudden sense of heady steadiness filled him, though his heart beat no slower.

   Everything had happened faster than his human mind could process. Immediately a secondary sense  
of warmth flooded through his veins - peace mixing with relief - that magical heady cocktail of  
endorphins which acts of bravery always bring.

   Their lips parted with a soft, pleased groan and he wasn't sure who the culprit was. Castiel opened his  
eyes, and felt his wings unfurl as he leaned in for another taste of honey. The wings moved with a quiet  
swish, his fierce emotions causing them to encircle, extending high above and behind Dean, drawing  
him even closer.

   Dean's eyes snapped upward and around quickly, and a low chuckle bubbled forth as he gently pushed  
Castiel's face away a few inches.

"Cas - How'd you do that? I thought humans could only see the shadows of Angel wings."

   His hands casually drifted from Cas' firm jaw to reach toward the shimmering feathers all around him.

_I'd be shaky as hell if— is this the grace mojo?_

   The wing seemed to shiver as his rough fingertips danced over the feathers. Castiel trembled and drew  
ever closer as Dean ran a palm flat against the velvety blackness.

"I don't know, Dean.", he answered in shared wonderment.

"My God, Cas. They're more stunning than I coulda' pictured."

   Castiel felt his knees buckle beneath him. His former charge's words melted every single thought of  
self-criticism and doubt. He moved his hand open palm, fitting it over the place he left a scar on Dean's  
shoulder, half disbelieving this moment was real.

"I was so unsure, Dean. I was certain I was alone in my feelings toward you.", he grabbed the front of  
Dean's shirt and pulled forward, initiating a heated kiss that quickly grew in intensity. His hands roamed  
in a feverish exploration up through Dean's hair, prickling his scalp with pleasure and causing gooseflesh  
across his neck.

   He found his hands wandering down Dean's back and over his hips. He felt as if his very bones were  
melting in the wake of the assault of Dean's talented lips and tongue. The need for air forced Dean to  
retreat a bit, eliciting a strained moan from the back of Castiel's throat.

"Cas, I'm sorry. I'm not used to this -", he made a motion with his hand between them like he was trying to  
physically pull the words into cohesion.

"I don't know how to say what I'm thinking or feeling. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, Dean. You love me. You love me and accept me. I don't need you to say it. You've shown  
me."

Green hope filled eyes fully searched Castiel's face, trying to drink in every detail. Never in his life had he  
ever felt like he did right now, surrounded by his new lover, completely engulfed emotionally, spiritually  
and physically. He'd thought once he had found love with Lisa, but it was nothing in the light of this.

  "I couldn't ask for more honesty than you have given me, Dean. Please believe me. That's why I felt we  
needed to meet in secret. I did not want anyone bearing witness. Your soul is so brilliantly beautiful and  
strong Dean, but it is fragile at the same time. Would you allow me the honor of protecting it?"

   Dean briefly nodded his head.

"Yeah, Cas. Yes.", gruffly his voice dropped an octave.

"I need you, Cas. I'm never going to stop needing you. Don't make me go on alone, alright?"

"Yes. All... Right."

   There was a flutter of sound, and suddenly Dean felt the earth beneath his boots again, face to face,  
but parted from Castiel, who reached out and touched his face. Cas' wings arched and fluttered behind  
him, settling in close. It was breathtaking to watch him, being able to really see him. He felt they both  
seemed lighter than air and full of new found confidence. It was intoxicating being this close and  
intimate with him.

He cleared his throat.

"So, hey, uh, listen: Baby's just over the hill. Change of scenery, we could listen to some tunes..."

"You aren't thinking of drinking and driving again, are you Dean?"

"Get outta my head Cas. It's not whiskey that's got me tipsy, okay? I'll be damned if we stay in a freaking  
graveyard though, so you can bite me, asshole."

"I wouldn't do tha—"

"Shut up.", the words held a playful tone laced with mock irritation.  "You made me drive all the way out  
here but you're not taking me somewhere and getting me blocked up for a week again! I'm too happy  
for that. Let's go. I'm driving."

 

 

Midday approached and Dean wondered what he was going to tell Sam to explain the 5 missed phone  
calls and texts all containing variations of "Where are you?". 

 Driving back to the bunker, Dean reached his hand over to the knob on the dashboard and the sound  
of Chicago's "Will you still love me?" filled the interior of the Impala.

   A lopsided grin broke out across Dean's face. He leaned back, and threw his arm to the back of the  
seat, inviting Castiel to lean in close. Rumpled dark hair and the comfortable weight of his lover on his  
shoulder brought out a contented sigh.

   Screw it - he was damned happy. It didn't matter that Cas was "out of bounds" anymore and it sure as  
hell didn't matter what his little brother would think about it. His heart felt full and his soul finally felt whole.

 

 - finis -


End file.
